4-H Afterschool Helps Military Family Adjust

Andrea and Ben Candelaria

U.S. Navy Petty Officer Andrea Candelaria left active duty and joined the reserves to spend more time with her 5-year-old son Benjamin. Shortly thereafter, her reserve unit was deployed to Kuwait. Andrea was forced to leave Ben with his grandmother, Teresa Bengard.

Bengard had recently undergone a series of back surgeries and was preparing for another. She felt overwhelmed. Fortunately, Ben’s Loomis, Calif., 4-H Afterschool program eased the burden.

“Because of the back surgery, I was unable to keep up with him all the time,” Bengard said. “It was a blessing having him in that program.”

At first Ben thought he was spending another normal weekend with Grandma and Grandpa, but after a couple weeks, he would ask for his mother to come home. “Ben would say, ‘I’m missing her too much, she needs to come home,’” Bengard said. “We had some very sad nights.”

The safe familiarity of the 4-H Afterschool program became even more important as Ben began to withdraw, lash out at others and stop listening in school. The trained 4-H Afterschool volunteers helped Ben work past his anger and open up with one-on-one talks and the routine of games and learning.

“I think it was important he was there,” Bengard said. “They had the consistency and trained and caring people to give him what he needed. We could love him and help him, but having that available gave me time to heal so I could better take care of him.”

The financial assistance they received to keep Ben in the program—support the 4‑H Afterschool program often works to provide to children from military families—was another blessing, Teresa said. JCPenney Afterschool Fund is the national presenting sponsor of 4-H Afterschool.

Candelaria, who returned to Loomis in May, said knowing her son would be participating in hands-on learning activities, not just “sitting around in day-care watching cartoons” was great comfort to her while she was away serving her country. Now that she’s back, mother and son are inseparable.

“We’re each other’s shadows,” Candelaria said. “Where I go, he goes. Obviously, that changed for a long period of time, and it was difficult for both of us. It’s hard for kids to readjust. But now that I’m back, we’re getting back to normal.”